Union College

Union College
I’m so sick to my stomach. I’m trying to sleep on the bus but the echoes of the voices of these students still bounce in my head. You know, I did this so that I could be a voice for those silenced, to be the tough hide for those that need to burrow in my skin. In my mind I know that I could take the beatings. I never questioned my strength or muscle. I’ll spread the message that God loves all, no matter what. That queer people aren’t sick and sinful. That hatred, discrimination, and the marginalizing and oppressing of this beautiful group of people are the real sins. And then I end up speaking against racism, and ableism, and sexism. But it’s the racism that gets me most of all.

For the past three stops we’ve been in the Mid-west. SBU really left me with a sour taste in my mouth and I haven’t been the same since. A white college student writes to me and tells me that she’s not racist and that it’s not their fault that they have an apathetic minority population. This is after I explained why this comment (previously from someone else’s mouth) was racist. How can I have hope for our queer siblings on this campus if the campus can’t even grasp the concept of discrimination in the first place?

So I carried this into Union College yesterday. We sat in small groups and the facilitator took over 15 minutes of our precious hour with students (that administration had so graciously allotted) going over rules of conversation. I felt the pressure of having to condense a two hour conversation with one person into a half hour conversation with 12 people. As soon as one girl said “lifestyle choice” I thought I was about to lose it. I tried to explain why this wasn’t appropriate, but she had a response for everything I said. My body literally felt like it was disconnecting with my mind. That’s when I knew I had reached my limit. In my head I thought, If it’s so damn appropriate why don’t straight people use it to describe their relationships? Ugh. Somehow I pushed through to the end answering questions with responses that I knew only led to more questions that we didn’t have time to address. Who do we point the finger at? The administration and faculty that don’t talk about these topics in school, that perpetuate stereotypes and offensive language, and that shut the door when opportunities present themselves? In my opinion the fault also lies on these students. They are old enough to read the Scripture themselves, to look up resources, to get various opinions on the matter, to make friends with that queer person on campus, to ask questions…instead they hold to their parents’ and pastors’ out-dated bigoted beliefs without verifying any information on their own. Without getting to know the person. Is it so scary to befriend your enemy? You might learn that the enemy is misinformation.

A choice. Yeah, a choice. I choose to be with the person that I fall madly in love with. The person that locks eyes on me from across the room to give me strength when I’m scared. The person that I will hold at night when their past comes to haunt their dreams. The person that I will bicker with when we’re short on money. The person I will laugh with until late at night because what they say and how they say it tickles me on the inside and I haven’t laughed this hard in all my life it seems. The person that will be there the day we adopt our child and bring them home to be nurtured with all the love of two mothers. The person that will hold my hand and give me strength if someday a doctors’ words don’t seem to make sense. The person that as we grow will smile at me because walking slowly through the supermarket is our favorite thing to do.

Passions? What passions. You don’t marry a person because the only thing you feel is passion (or at least not in the case of the people I know). You marry them because they are your perfect fit. Because when the world confuses or frustrates you that person is the only person that is capable of doing the only thing that will soften your heart and at the same time strengthen your core. You marry them because you see a beautiful future together. Because when heart is against heart you swear they share a beat. Because when you look into their eyes there just isn’t anyone else, period, ever. You marry and when parents pass away and family moves away, you know you will not endure it alone. You know this in every breath of your being, you don’t need a paper from the court.

I see my friends on the Ride and it hurts me the things they have endured. I’d rather take it on myself than see it one more time poured on them. Cait and Jennifer, may God bless your union. Don’t justify your relationship and your love to anyone. You both are beautiful and your smiles are contagious. Mia, my brave and courageous friend. I don’t have words for how you empower the rest of us to walk proudly. My dearest Amanda, I weep my apologies on behalf of the world to you… Big brother Nick, who reminds us of what true friendship and service and love is every day. I could go on, but I’m already crying. How can people see this suffering, know they are a part of it, and continue hurting people?

What kind of society do we live in where we walk past homeless people without looking at them? Without handing them a quarter and a smile? What kind of faith do we have when we look at people that are marginalized and oppressed with indifference and apathy? How presumptuous are we to tell others how they should love and with who? What kind of Christians are we that if Jesus walked through our airport today he would be flagged as a potential terrorist and pulled aside to be interrogated? What have we become? Tearing at each other, beating each other with stones and words, and closing our minds to the experiences of others simply because we don’t understand. Wasn’t this one of the sins of Sodom and Gomorrah? Maybe God should come and wipe us away and start over. I’m sad. I’m disheartened. It is painful to watch my siblings be torn down, ridiculed, called sick, and detestable to God. Who is speaking these words? Because my God, my Christ, instructed me to persevere for justice for the minority, for the marginalized, for those oppressed. Jesus taught me that we lose ourselves in the details of the law and forget that the most important thing is to love God with everything you have, and love your neighbor AS YOURSELF. How did we come so far from God that even our definitions of what love is differs from person to person and from perceived sin to perceived sin? How is it that we preach not to judge and yet we can’t see past the color of someone’s skin, the way they look, or who they claim to love?

When was the last time we admitted fault and took our fair share of responsibility in what is wrong with the world today?