Letter from Shaunita @ Bethune Cookman University in Daytona, FL

Hi! I read about the Baylor experience on your blog-OMG! I am glad that it ended better than it started, referring to the evening event that you all
had together. I am really sorry about that. It makes me go :WTH?! What
more does it take? How much struggle and pain has to continue before we have real rights in this world for everyone?

About the person you mentioned in your blog who wanted to know the
difference between a sexual act and a same sex friendship- I may have that
same question in a sense. I asked some of my friends onTrevorSpace-what
makes a person gay? Several of them told me that you have to have sex with
someone of the same sex/be sexual with them or have some sort of sexual
attraction to call yourself a member of the gay community. I was a little
shocked that they would say this. And I disagree. I havent been with a
woman before but all my life I have questioned what I am. I have been and
am attracted to women and men. I have only been with men but I have not
considered myself fully straight. I always look at those questionaire
boxes with unease. I was never sure whether to put a title or anything on
myself because of the stigmas from family, friends and society,etc. I
subconsciously and secretly considered myself bisexual. I was confused
about my sexual orientation for a long time because I wasnot sure if I had
to DO something first. But I always thought about it. I always wondered. I
have always questioned myself and my sexuality. I understand of course
that it doesnt take sex for a person to know they are LGBTQ.



When you guys came to campus I was so excited! I felt free being with you
guys. I felt free from the traps of what people say or think or how people
put you in labels;even how we put labels on ourselves. I feel wonderful
inside. I want to express it more. Talking with you, I didnt (and dont)
feel like a sexual/racial anomaly. I walked away from our conversation
feeling like a better person and saying to myself-I AM gay;I AM bisexual.
And I felt great with that. I feel better about myself. I feel more
comfortable with who I am because I remembered that there are others out
here -there is you and everybody with Soulforce.


Going to BCU there is no outlet to express who you are.You get away from
that whole experience of what I described above. Being in Daytona I dont
see alot of avenues to do this. Back home (Seattle) as I mentioned before
there are so many organizations, clubs and groups-I felt relieved when I
talked to you because it was almost like that part of me had been on ice
or reserve or shut away/subconsciously forgotten in order to cope.

I am unsure whether you all made an impact here at BCU. I seem to be the
only person talking about you guys being here. Not many people knew you
all were here and not many seemed to care enough to stop by the table or
to see what you all were saying. I am embarassed by my campus:( A lot of
people donot seem to care about anything but themselves on this
campus-they just want to make it out of this school or hang out. I dont
know many activist like spirits here and it saddens me.

> > Shaunita De'Juanette Felder
> >
> >
> >
> > "I wish to live because life has within it that which is good, that which
> > is beautiful and that which is love.
> > Therefore, since I have known all of these things, I have found them to be
> > reason enough and-I wish to live.
> > Moreover, because this is so, I wish others to live for generations and
> > generations and generations."
> > -Lorraine Hansberry
> >
> >
> > "Freedom cannot be given; freedom is something that comes into being when
> > you do not seek it; it comes into being only when you know you are a
> > prisoner, when you know for yourself completely the state of being
> > conditioned, when you know you are held by society, by culture, by
> > tradition, held by whatever you have been told. Freedom is order - it is
> > never disorder - and one must have freedom, completely, both outwardly and
> > inwardly; without freedom there is no clarity; without freedom you can't
> > love; without freedom you can't find truth; without freedom you can't go
> > beyond the limitation of the mind. You must demand it with all your being.
> > When you so demand it, you will find out for yourself what order is - and
> > order is not the following of a pattern, a design; it is not the outcome
> > of habit".
> >
> > - J. Krishnamurti, Bombay, India, January 1968 Collected Works. Vol. VIII

***Permission was attained to use her full name and school.