Screaming for Justice

Our group spent eight trying days in Austin, Texas in January. They were long, long days. Trainings and workshops were emotionally taxing, and through our shared exhaustion and painful personal stories as well as lessons of homophobia and racism and sexism (and many other -isms) we all got very close. Fast forward almost two months later now we are thrown together again. The workshops are enervating. I'm talking about debilitating at times as they touch on some issues that are real to us. Most of us seem very tough. They are Oscar winning performance at times when we pull it off or then we run off and cry with some dignity on our own.

Today was a bit different. Rev. Dr. Mel White led a Non-violence workshop and we saw some video clips and read some very painful statements that people say about us in the name of God and Love and Justice. So sad. So we got into two lines today. Facing each other. And we were instructed to scream at the other person, one person at a time. Just as if we were standing in a vigil line, we were exposed to the nasty and excruciatingly painful experience of being belittled, judged, insulted....hated. It sounds as awful as it was. Believe it or not I was actually relieved that I was able to hug Despina beforehand, and then go into a rant about how she was a perverted, disgusting individual that needed to go back to her own country because she didn't belong here...( I also called her retarded, dirty, and stupid).

Why did we do this? Because this is going to happen. There are students, staff, parents, or other individuals that we will encounter on this Ride that will genuinely believe that these are not only things we ARE, but this is the way to treat us to "reform us" and "show us their love". It's absolutely sick, of course, but luckily we first experience it with people we love and trust instead of being just thrown into a sitation like it without knowing what to expect. (As Cait would say, "Now that would be REAL awkward and not cute.")

Afterward, we were all in shock and in tears. As soon as I heard "stop", I crumbled into Despina's arms and cried my apologies onto her. Held her as she sobbed and wondered at my own ability to do this. How twisted am I that I was able to do say these horrible things? But the exercise taught me far more about how used to the abuse we must be if being the abuser is by far more disturbing than being the abused.

It took us well over an hour to get back into some semblance of normalcy. These are my fellow Riders, my friends, my comrades, my siblings. I realize it's going to be tough to see people saying these types of things to them during this Ride. Despina's face was in pieces, and I still hear Lindsey's heaves, and picture Jason's red-rimmed eyes because they all know the pain of this hatred. Saying this has anything to do with God or Jesus Christ's teachings is saddest of all. Horribly, horribly sad.