Our group spent eight trying days in Austin, Texas in January. They were long, long days. Trainings and workshops were emotionally taxing, and through our shared exhaustion and painful personal stories as well as lessons of homophobia and racism and sexism (and many other -isms) we all got very close. Fast forward almost two months later now we are thrown together again. The workshops are enervating. I'm talking about debilitating at times as they touch on some issues that are real to us. Most of us seem very tough. They are Oscar winning performance at times when we pull it off or then we run off and cry with some dignity on our own.
Today was a bit different. Rev. Dr. Mel White led a Non-violence workshop and we saw some video clips and read some very painful statements that people say about us in the name of God and Love and Justice. So sad. So we got into two lines today. Facing each other. And we were instructed to scream at the other person, one person at a time. Just as if we were standing in a vigil line, we were exposed to the nasty and excruciatingly painful experience of being belittled, judged, insulted....hated. It sounds as awful as it was. Believe it or not I was actually relieved that I was able to hug Despina beforehand, and then go into a rant about how she was a perverted, disgusting individual that needed to go back to her own country because she didn't belong here...( I also called her retarded, dirty, and stupid).
Why did we do this? Because this is going to happen. There are students, staff, parents, or other individuals that we will encounter on this Ride that will genuinely believe that these are not only things we ARE, but this is the way to treat us to "reform us" and "show us their love". It's absolutely sick, of course, but luckily we first experience it with people we love and trust instead of being just thrown into a sitation like it without knowing what to expect. (As Cait would say, "Now that would be REAL awkward and not cute.")
Afterward, we were all in shock and in tears. As soon as I heard "stop", I crumbled into Despina's arms and cried my apologies onto her. Held her as she sobbed and wondered at my own ability to do this. How twisted am I that I was able to do say these horrible things? But the exercise taught me far more about how used to the abuse we must be if being the abuser is by far more disturbing than being the abused.
It took us well over an hour to get back into some semblance of normalcy. These are my fellow Riders, my friends, my comrades, my siblings. I realize it's going to be tough to see people saying these types of things to them during this Ride. Despina's face was in pieces, and I still hear Lindsey's heaves, and picture Jason's red-rimmed eyes because they all know the pain of this hatred. Saying this has anything to do with God or Jesus Christ's teachings is saddest of all. Horribly, horribly sad.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
An Explosion in My Ears
Last week I waited for a ring to come in the mail so that I could propose to my girlfriend on Valentine's day. Kind of cheesy, but she's like that and I love it. Three winter storms later my ring arrived the day after the proposed date and what could I do? I placed it on her finger in a stream of mutual tears anyway. Kris's 'yes' was barely audible as she wiped her face and embraced me. Not only do I want to spend the rest of my life with her because there is no one in this world that could make me smile like she does, but I wanted to let her know how much I love her, how much she means to me, and especially to show her that I appreciate her support as I get ready to go on the Equality Ride. I thought the timing was perfect anyway.
My mother who lives with us and knows my days are counted decided to give us a 'day off' and left for a couple of days. We cuddled on the couch and settled to watch a funny movie. As things go, at 11pm Kris received a phone call from her boss. They are very sorry, business is not as busy as they expected, they'll pay her through the week... Not-so perfect timing.
This is after we just finished emptying the boxes into our new apartment. After we took my mother in after a family emergency and after I gave my notice at work to leave. It's a few days before I go and now we scramble to figure out our finances, to see if something of the utmost importance needs to be left up to only people that can afford it.
Sighing with relief we figure if Kris doesn't eat out, if those energy-efficient lightbulbs really do save us some money, and with both of our tax money...she can give herself about two months to find another job (one that can pay the bills, of course). I'll be back by then as well and can begin to contribute. In this economy, that is being very positive and extremely hopeful (as people of faith should be, I say!).
So here I go... Thank you, my darling Kris. You have saved my behind yet again.
My mother who lives with us and knows my days are counted decided to give us a 'day off' and left for a couple of days. We cuddled on the couch and settled to watch a funny movie. As things go, at 11pm Kris received a phone call from her boss. They are very sorry, business is not as busy as they expected, they'll pay her through the week... Not-so perfect timing.
This is after we just finished emptying the boxes into our new apartment. After we took my mother in after a family emergency and after I gave my notice at work to leave. It's a few days before I go and now we scramble to figure out our finances, to see if something of the utmost importance needs to be left up to only people that can afford it.
Sighing with relief we figure if Kris doesn't eat out, if those energy-efficient lightbulbs really do save us some money, and with both of our tax money...she can give herself about two months to find another job (one that can pay the bills, of course). I'll be back by then as well and can begin to contribute. In this economy, that is being very positive and extremely hopeful (as people of faith should be, I say!).
So here I go... Thank you, my darling Kris. You have saved my behind yet again.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
The Simple Things by Chavela Vargas
Las Simples Cosas by Chavela Vargas
Uno se despide incensiblemente de pequeñas cosas
lo mismo que un arbol que en tiempo de otoño se queda sin hojas
al fin la tristeza es la muerte lenta de las simples cosas
esas cosas simples que quedan doliendo en el corazón
Uno vuelve siempre a los mismos sitios donde amo la vida
y entonces comprende como estan de ausentes las cosas queridas
por eso muchacha no partas ahora soñando el regreso
que el amor es simple y a las cosas simples las debora el tiempo
demorate a ti, en la luz solar de este medio dia
donde encontraras con el pan al sol la mesa tendida
por eso muchacha no partas ahora soñando el regreso
que el amor es simple y a las cosas simples las debora el tiempo
Uno vuelve siempre a los viejos sitios donde amo la vida...
One says goodbye
insensibly to small things
the same as a tree
that in the autumn will shed all its leaves
in the end, sadness is the slow death of simple things
those simple things that leave the heart aching.
One always returns to the same spaces where one loved life
and only then understands the absence of those loved things.
girl, that is why, you shouldn't part thinking of regressing
because love is simple and time devours simple things
take your time, in the midday sun's glow
where you will see the bread in the warmth of the sun and that the table is set.
girl, that is why, you shouldn't part...thinking of regressing
because love is simple and time devours simple things
One always returns to the same spaces where one loved life.
(translated by Sabrina Diz)
Uno se despide incensiblemente de pequeñas cosas
lo mismo que un arbol que en tiempo de otoño se queda sin hojas
al fin la tristeza es la muerte lenta de las simples cosas
esas cosas simples que quedan doliendo en el corazón
Uno vuelve siempre a los mismos sitios donde amo la vida
y entonces comprende como estan de ausentes las cosas queridas
por eso muchacha no partas ahora soñando el regreso
que el amor es simple y a las cosas simples las debora el tiempo
demorate a ti, en la luz solar de este medio dia
donde encontraras con el pan al sol la mesa tendida
por eso muchacha no partas ahora soñando el regreso
que el amor es simple y a las cosas simples las debora el tiempo
Uno vuelve siempre a los viejos sitios donde amo la vida...
One says goodbye
insensibly to small things
the same as a tree
that in the autumn will shed all its leaves
in the end, sadness is the slow death of simple things
those simple things that leave the heart aching.
One always returns to the same spaces where one loved life
and only then understands the absence of those loved things.
girl, that is why, you shouldn't part thinking of regressing
because love is simple and time devours simple things
take your time, in the midday sun's glow
where you will see the bread in the warmth of the sun and that the table is set.
girl, that is why, you shouldn't part...thinking of regressing
because love is simple and time devours simple things
One always returns to the same spaces where one loved life.
(translated by Sabrina Diz)
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