I couldn't believe that you guys would leave something for me--I didn't understand what I did that was so deserving. I went down to the inn and Steph gave me the card and t-shirt, and we just broke down together.
We have done nothing extraordinary for you all. We've met friends to look up to, people who are taking a stand and working for something that is bigger than they are. You guys are heroes. You are acting as a voice for those who cannot speak. You are hands for those who cannot reach and feet for those who cannot move. You're doing incredible work for God and humanity. He is proud, and he is doing mighty things through you all.
WE are so grateful to have YOU ROCKSTARS as our friends. We are more than happy, we are convicted and dedicated to continuing the work you've started on Houghton's campus. It is not a favor to you, but rather or duty as people, as children of God.
It's already proving to be quite a challenge. I was faced with hurt and realism in an upperlevel class yesterday as students said they thought the day was a success BECAUSE you all were tucked in a room and they were not "forced to interact." I almost started to cry in class, because they didn't realize how hurtful their words were. Even if they see any sexual orientation outside of one man (as recognized at birth) and one woman (as recognized at birth) as a sin, then they should look to follow Jesus Christ as their example and seek conversation with the hurt, the downtrodden and the outcasts. I hate complacency and comfort in ignorance, closed minds! It breaks my heart, because with that kind of thinking, no growth can take place.
ANYWAY, thank you so much for the card and shirt. I will wear it with pride. Steph and I are looking to put together the first QSA very soon, so if you'd like to put our names out there to students who have contacted you, please feel free. Also, you may absolutely put a link to my blog on the soulforce website. I'd be proud to be associated with you and the work you're doing!
Thank you again, Jason! I hope you are having an awesome time in Rochester today!
Love,
Sonja
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Houghton - Continued....
This is for those out there that might doubt our impact. It is a blog from a student at Houghton College. Inspiring!!!!
http://sonjablade.wordpress.com/
http://sonjablade.wordpress.com/
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Houghton College in Houghton, NY
Today was really the first welcoming school and so the first time we were able to get on campus and really get into dialogue with students and staff. It was stated from the beginning by the administration that "at the end of the day they would agree to disagree" but that the dialogue would be welcome. This was discouraging. Knowing that the administration was going into this conversation with a firm decision in mind (of not to change anything at all), to me, isn't dialogue. Dialogue for me is an exchange of ideas with an open mind to learn from the other person and keep yourself open to the possibilities.
While the administration kept up this facade of "dialogue" it didn't get me down one bit because the students were genuine. At first I was extremely anxious and nervous. After three cups of coffee I was worried I wouldn't be able to shake hands with anyone, either! However, it was really interesting.
Each one of us Riders had a "host". I'm assuming the host's job was to aid us in not getting lost around campus (ahem), guide conversation, and protect us as much as the students from any "inappropriateness" (what this would be, I'm not completely sure). I couldn't figure my host out at first. I didn't know if he was for or against me, what his role was exactly, or how much influence he would have over the other students that would come up to talk to me. Because I wasn't really sure what to expect I just started asking questions. Purposeful and intentional questions, but I didn't want to go into any type of shpeal. My first question was geared toward the policy at Houghton that warns against "homosexual activity" and so I asked, "What do you think is considered heterosexual behavior?"
I thought it was witty and serious at the same time. It was really important for me to establish a difference between my sexual orientation and my sexuality, or at least what I may or may not do while in bed with another individual. And I was surprised that the conversation stayed at a serious level all the while being open, honest, respectful, and absolutely affirming. It was GREAT! It was my discovery that while the school administrators were not open to the possibility of change, the students thought quite differently. Perhaps things haven't progressed on this campus is because these conversations weren't happening before we arrived, and in the past few months the school has teethed with sexuality conversations in preparation of our arrival. It is my hope that the students will take over from here and continue these conversations. It is in their hands, and I feel confident that the matter won't be easily dropped, and LGBTQ students on campus no longer ignored. That is me thinking positively, of course, and only time will tell...
While the administration kept up this facade of "dialogue" it didn't get me down one bit because the students were genuine. At first I was extremely anxious and nervous. After three cups of coffee I was worried I wouldn't be able to shake hands with anyone, either! However, it was really interesting.
Each one of us Riders had a "host". I'm assuming the host's job was to aid us in not getting lost around campus (ahem), guide conversation, and protect us as much as the students from any "inappropriateness" (what this would be, I'm not completely sure). I couldn't figure my host out at first. I didn't know if he was for or against me, what his role was exactly, or how much influence he would have over the other students that would come up to talk to me. Because I wasn't really sure what to expect I just started asking questions. Purposeful and intentional questions, but I didn't want to go into any type of shpeal. My first question was geared toward the policy at Houghton that warns against "homosexual activity" and so I asked, "What do you think is considered heterosexual behavior?"
I thought it was witty and serious at the same time. It was really important for me to establish a difference between my sexual orientation and my sexuality, or at least what I may or may not do while in bed with another individual. And I was surprised that the conversation stayed at a serious level all the while being open, honest, respectful, and absolutely affirming. It was GREAT! It was my discovery that while the school administrators were not open to the possibility of change, the students thought quite differently. Perhaps things haven't progressed on this campus is because these conversations weren't happening before we arrived, and in the past few months the school has teethed with sexuality conversations in preparation of our arrival. It is my hope that the students will take over from here and continue these conversations. It is in their hands, and I feel confident that the matter won't be easily dropped, and LGBTQ students on campus no longer ignored. That is me thinking positively, of course, and only time will tell...
March 7th 2010
The Equality Ride Bus has left Pennsylvania and is on the way to Houghton, NY where we are barely welcomed onto Houghton College campus. Once there we’ll be treated like criminals. Each one of us Riders will have a “host” student that will walk around with us on campus, even to the bathroom. I don’t understand what they’re afraid of.
Someone today told me about having sex last night. While I am sex positive and all about having a good time, I’m not happy about this person having unprotected oral sex and I felt the heat coming up to my face…we just got tested for HIV last night (I reminded), and here they are exposing themselves again. It’s frustrating. Yet the reason I’m so upset is because I have done the same thing. When I got tested last night I had the support of my partner who drove to Philly to spend the evening with us. Kris and I were a little nervous. It had been over a year since either one of us had been tested for HIV; we also had a separation period about six months ago in which we both had unprotected sex with other people. It ran through my mind that if I tested reactive I would die from guilt because I have known better all this time. I should have had protected sex all this time with others, but I didn’t. And I could have given HIV to someone I love. How would I have made it better then? I have to wonder how one goes about apologizing for being so selfish and inconsiderate. And I also wonder how forgiveness (that is not often mentioned) must be central to the process of health and healing once an individual learns they are Positive. We both tested non-reactive, meaning that up to 3 months ago we were not infected. We plan to get tested again in three months even though it has been more than three months that we have been together and monogamous. As a couple, we have decided to be more informed, and get tested regularly for several reasons. First, how can we lead if not by example? Second, we have recent tattoos and piercings and want to be absolutely certain that the places we are going to are clean and considering the health and safety of its patrons. Lastly, regular testing means we are also keeping the issue of HIV and safe sex at the forefront of our lives. Kris and I don’t want to forget that people are dying, people in our community as well as straight folks. This isn’t just a gay issue, as much as others want to believe it is.
I’ve settled into my space on the Bus, with my belongings all around me set up in such a way that I feel like I’m camping indoors. I wanted this blog to be about Valley Forge Christian College and to talk about Repent America, and how we were encouraged by the calls and e-mails we received after our visit, vigil, and protest even though the students were not allowed to talk to us. However, there are so many other things going on throughout this Ride that I also want to share those, too.
Please feel free to ask questions regarding certain stops, and I'll answer them if my blog doesn't answer your burning questions...
The Equality Ride Bus has left Pennsylvania and is on the way to Houghton, NY where we are barely welcomed onto Houghton College campus. Once there we’ll be treated like criminals. Each one of us Riders will have a “host” student that will walk around with us on campus, even to the bathroom. I don’t understand what they’re afraid of.
Someone today told me about having sex last night. While I am sex positive and all about having a good time, I’m not happy about this person having unprotected oral sex and I felt the heat coming up to my face…we just got tested for HIV last night (I reminded), and here they are exposing themselves again. It’s frustrating. Yet the reason I’m so upset is because I have done the same thing. When I got tested last night I had the support of my partner who drove to Philly to spend the evening with us. Kris and I were a little nervous. It had been over a year since either one of us had been tested for HIV; we also had a separation period about six months ago in which we both had unprotected sex with other people. It ran through my mind that if I tested reactive I would die from guilt because I have known better all this time. I should have had protected sex all this time with others, but I didn’t. And I could have given HIV to someone I love. How would I have made it better then? I have to wonder how one goes about apologizing for being so selfish and inconsiderate. And I also wonder how forgiveness (that is not often mentioned) must be central to the process of health and healing once an individual learns they are Positive. We both tested non-reactive, meaning that up to 3 months ago we were not infected. We plan to get tested again in three months even though it has been more than three months that we have been together and monogamous. As a couple, we have decided to be more informed, and get tested regularly for several reasons. First, how can we lead if not by example? Second, we have recent tattoos and piercings and want to be absolutely certain that the places we are going to are clean and considering the health and safety of its patrons. Lastly, regular testing means we are also keeping the issue of HIV and safe sex at the forefront of our lives. Kris and I don’t want to forget that people are dying, people in our community as well as straight folks. This isn’t just a gay issue, as much as others want to believe it is.
I’ve settled into my space on the Bus, with my belongings all around me set up in such a way that I feel like I’m camping indoors. I wanted this blog to be about Valley Forge Christian College and to talk about Repent America, and how we were encouraged by the calls and e-mails we received after our visit, vigil, and protest even though the students were not allowed to talk to us. However, there are so many other things going on throughout this Ride that I also want to share those, too.
Please feel free to ask questions regarding certain stops, and I'll answer them if my blog doesn't answer your burning questions...
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Screaming for Justice
Our group spent eight trying days in Austin, Texas in January. They were long, long days. Trainings and workshops were emotionally taxing, and through our shared exhaustion and painful personal stories as well as lessons of homophobia and racism and sexism (and many other -isms) we all got very close. Fast forward almost two months later now we are thrown together again. The workshops are enervating. I'm talking about debilitating at times as they touch on some issues that are real to us. Most of us seem very tough. They are Oscar winning performance at times when we pull it off or then we run off and cry with some dignity on our own.
Today was a bit different. Rev. Dr. Mel White led a Non-violence workshop and we saw some video clips and read some very painful statements that people say about us in the name of God and Love and Justice. So sad. So we got into two lines today. Facing each other. And we were instructed to scream at the other person, one person at a time. Just as if we were standing in a vigil line, we were exposed to the nasty and excruciatingly painful experience of being belittled, judged, insulted....hated. It sounds as awful as it was. Believe it or not I was actually relieved that I was able to hug Despina beforehand, and then go into a rant about how she was a perverted, disgusting individual that needed to go back to her own country because she didn't belong here...( I also called her retarded, dirty, and stupid).
Why did we do this? Because this is going to happen. There are students, staff, parents, or other individuals that we will encounter on this Ride that will genuinely believe that these are not only things we ARE, but this is the way to treat us to "reform us" and "show us their love". It's absolutely sick, of course, but luckily we first experience it with people we love and trust instead of being just thrown into a sitation like it without knowing what to expect. (As Cait would say, "Now that would be REAL awkward and not cute.")
Afterward, we were all in shock and in tears. As soon as I heard "stop", I crumbled into Despina's arms and cried my apologies onto her. Held her as she sobbed and wondered at my own ability to do this. How twisted am I that I was able to do say these horrible things? But the exercise taught me far more about how used to the abuse we must be if being the abuser is by far more disturbing than being the abused.
It took us well over an hour to get back into some semblance of normalcy. These are my fellow Riders, my friends, my comrades, my siblings. I realize it's going to be tough to see people saying these types of things to them during this Ride. Despina's face was in pieces, and I still hear Lindsey's heaves, and picture Jason's red-rimmed eyes because they all know the pain of this hatred. Saying this has anything to do with God or Jesus Christ's teachings is saddest of all. Horribly, horribly sad.
Today was a bit different. Rev. Dr. Mel White led a Non-violence workshop and we saw some video clips and read some very painful statements that people say about us in the name of God and Love and Justice. So sad. So we got into two lines today. Facing each other. And we were instructed to scream at the other person, one person at a time. Just as if we were standing in a vigil line, we were exposed to the nasty and excruciatingly painful experience of being belittled, judged, insulted....hated. It sounds as awful as it was. Believe it or not I was actually relieved that I was able to hug Despina beforehand, and then go into a rant about how she was a perverted, disgusting individual that needed to go back to her own country because she didn't belong here...( I also called her retarded, dirty, and stupid).
Why did we do this? Because this is going to happen. There are students, staff, parents, or other individuals that we will encounter on this Ride that will genuinely believe that these are not only things we ARE, but this is the way to treat us to "reform us" and "show us their love". It's absolutely sick, of course, but luckily we first experience it with people we love and trust instead of being just thrown into a sitation like it without knowing what to expect. (As Cait would say, "Now that would be REAL awkward and not cute.")
Afterward, we were all in shock and in tears. As soon as I heard "stop", I crumbled into Despina's arms and cried my apologies onto her. Held her as she sobbed and wondered at my own ability to do this. How twisted am I that I was able to do say these horrible things? But the exercise taught me far more about how used to the abuse we must be if being the abuser is by far more disturbing than being the abused.
It took us well over an hour to get back into some semblance of normalcy. These are my fellow Riders, my friends, my comrades, my siblings. I realize it's going to be tough to see people saying these types of things to them during this Ride. Despina's face was in pieces, and I still hear Lindsey's heaves, and picture Jason's red-rimmed eyes because they all know the pain of this hatred. Saying this has anything to do with God or Jesus Christ's teachings is saddest of all. Horribly, horribly sad.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
An Explosion in My Ears
Last week I waited for a ring to come in the mail so that I could propose to my girlfriend on Valentine's day. Kind of cheesy, but she's like that and I love it. Three winter storms later my ring arrived the day after the proposed date and what could I do? I placed it on her finger in a stream of mutual tears anyway. Kris's 'yes' was barely audible as she wiped her face and embraced me. Not only do I want to spend the rest of my life with her because there is no one in this world that could make me smile like she does, but I wanted to let her know how much I love her, how much she means to me, and especially to show her that I appreciate her support as I get ready to go on the Equality Ride. I thought the timing was perfect anyway.
My mother who lives with us and knows my days are counted decided to give us a 'day off' and left for a couple of days. We cuddled on the couch and settled to watch a funny movie. As things go, at 11pm Kris received a phone call from her boss. They are very sorry, business is not as busy as they expected, they'll pay her through the week... Not-so perfect timing.
This is after we just finished emptying the boxes into our new apartment. After we took my mother in after a family emergency and after I gave my notice at work to leave. It's a few days before I go and now we scramble to figure out our finances, to see if something of the utmost importance needs to be left up to only people that can afford it.
Sighing with relief we figure if Kris doesn't eat out, if those energy-efficient lightbulbs really do save us some money, and with both of our tax money...she can give herself about two months to find another job (one that can pay the bills, of course). I'll be back by then as well and can begin to contribute. In this economy, that is being very positive and extremely hopeful (as people of faith should be, I say!).
So here I go... Thank you, my darling Kris. You have saved my behind yet again.
My mother who lives with us and knows my days are counted decided to give us a 'day off' and left for a couple of days. We cuddled on the couch and settled to watch a funny movie. As things go, at 11pm Kris received a phone call from her boss. They are very sorry, business is not as busy as they expected, they'll pay her through the week... Not-so perfect timing.
This is after we just finished emptying the boxes into our new apartment. After we took my mother in after a family emergency and after I gave my notice at work to leave. It's a few days before I go and now we scramble to figure out our finances, to see if something of the utmost importance needs to be left up to only people that can afford it.
Sighing with relief we figure if Kris doesn't eat out, if those energy-efficient lightbulbs really do save us some money, and with both of our tax money...she can give herself about two months to find another job (one that can pay the bills, of course). I'll be back by then as well and can begin to contribute. In this economy, that is being very positive and extremely hopeful (as people of faith should be, I say!).
So here I go... Thank you, my darling Kris. You have saved my behind yet again.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
The Simple Things by Chavela Vargas
Las Simples Cosas by Chavela Vargas
Uno se despide incensiblemente de pequeñas cosas
lo mismo que un arbol que en tiempo de otoño se queda sin hojas
al fin la tristeza es la muerte lenta de las simples cosas
esas cosas simples que quedan doliendo en el corazón
Uno vuelve siempre a los mismos sitios donde amo la vida
y entonces comprende como estan de ausentes las cosas queridas
por eso muchacha no partas ahora soñando el regreso
que el amor es simple y a las cosas simples las debora el tiempo
demorate a ti, en la luz solar de este medio dia
donde encontraras con el pan al sol la mesa tendida
por eso muchacha no partas ahora soñando el regreso
que el amor es simple y a las cosas simples las debora el tiempo
Uno vuelve siempre a los viejos sitios donde amo la vida...
One says goodbye
insensibly to small things
the same as a tree
that in the autumn will shed all its leaves
in the end, sadness is the slow death of simple things
those simple things that leave the heart aching.
One always returns to the same spaces where one loved life
and only then understands the absence of those loved things.
girl, that is why, you shouldn't part thinking of regressing
because love is simple and time devours simple things
take your time, in the midday sun's glow
where you will see the bread in the warmth of the sun and that the table is set.
girl, that is why, you shouldn't part...thinking of regressing
because love is simple and time devours simple things
One always returns to the same spaces where one loved life.
(translated by Sabrina Diz)
Uno se despide incensiblemente de pequeñas cosas
lo mismo que un arbol que en tiempo de otoño se queda sin hojas
al fin la tristeza es la muerte lenta de las simples cosas
esas cosas simples que quedan doliendo en el corazón
Uno vuelve siempre a los mismos sitios donde amo la vida
y entonces comprende como estan de ausentes las cosas queridas
por eso muchacha no partas ahora soñando el regreso
que el amor es simple y a las cosas simples las debora el tiempo
demorate a ti, en la luz solar de este medio dia
donde encontraras con el pan al sol la mesa tendida
por eso muchacha no partas ahora soñando el regreso
que el amor es simple y a las cosas simples las debora el tiempo
Uno vuelve siempre a los viejos sitios donde amo la vida...
One says goodbye
insensibly to small things
the same as a tree
that in the autumn will shed all its leaves
in the end, sadness is the slow death of simple things
those simple things that leave the heart aching.
One always returns to the same spaces where one loved life
and only then understands the absence of those loved things.
girl, that is why, you shouldn't part thinking of regressing
because love is simple and time devours simple things
take your time, in the midday sun's glow
where you will see the bread in the warmth of the sun and that the table is set.
girl, that is why, you shouldn't part...thinking of regressing
because love is simple and time devours simple things
One always returns to the same spaces where one loved life.
(translated by Sabrina Diz)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
